The Greatest

Of Recipes and Relationships

Paella via Flickr

A friend laments whether he “deserves” a relationship.  I often wonder if this is a common occurence, the questioning of one’s  “worthiness.”

I won’t say relationships are simple and make you feel stupid for not being good at it.  In fact, I do believe they’re fairly complicated things that need constant attention and nurturing. But the one frame of mind one should NOT fall into is convincing yourself that it’s not for you.

I liken the ability to interact romantically with another person to cooking.  You’re not born with it, but most of how to do it has become stock knowledge, and many books have been written on both subjects.  At first (if you are truly motivated to succeed at it) you follow the examples laid by your peers, parents, and maybe pick up a book on the subject.  A person just learning how to cook (or burn food as it usually goes) will use recipes to create dishes, but over time and constant practice, eventually learn to discern the nuances of all the different spices and ingredients that work together to make a savory meal.  As with relationships, you can’t expect to get it right the first time, the second time, or even the third time.  But practice (and observation) makes perfect, or close to it at least.  This of course is an over-simplification as every person is different, while cooking ingredients have a predictable consistency to them.  But, there will always be traits common in every person, and emotions that take similar stimuli to tap.  So what one learns from a particular experience can generally be applied to the next, in moderation of course.

Over time, this ability will give one confidence.  Not the misplaced, over-compensating swagger of a young buck in his new hiphop gear, but the secure serenity that exudes from a man in Saville Row’s finest who knows his place in the world, and that he deserves it.

You can take this a step further, and compare your ideal partner or mate to your favorite dish.  It is reasonable to assume that if one had any motivation to prepare his favorite dish, he would start to fine tune the mix of spices to suit his taste.  The same goes for the ideal partner: If you had an idea what qualities you want in one, then you would eventually develop and adopt the skills and traits that will attract that kind of person.  It comes with maturity, and quite possibly the realization that one must work for things that are worth it.

This is about as simple as I can explain it.  I’m positive you’re not the first person to doubt himself and his self worth, but you can be one of those who did something about it.  Many have expressed their desire for a particular person or specific traits, but have not taken a long look at themselves and asked the harder question: Do they deserve that type of person?

In works in reverse too, sometimes it pays to ask if that person deserves YOU.

Of Musical Compatibility

People often simplify compatibility into unbending “rules”.  A good example would be the phrase, “Opposites attract.”

I find compatibility to be a complex interconnection of traits which could serve to complement, and at times highlight the differences between two lovers.  Either way, it should reinforce their attraction for each other.

For example, I’ve long come to accept that the Kitty’s taste in music, much like her innate ability to command Photoshop to do her bidding, will always be superior to mine.  I find it incredible how her life’s soundtrack almost always touches me in a way that infinitely increases my affection for her.  I’ll never truly understand how she finds these gems from whatever corners of the interwebs, but my appreciation for it knows no bounds.  This hold true, no matter who the artist is; from Kylie Minogue to The Cure, from Sufjan Stevens (whose label, fittingly, is called Asthmatic Kitty Records *lol*) to Hanson.  Yes, even those blonde brothers who unleashed MMMbop on the world.

I on the other hand, couldn’t find good music if a giant iPod filled with it suddenly appeared in my boxers. My rigid (if a bit eclectic) tastes have confined me within walls plastered with Depeche Mode and Kanye West posters.  I know, shaddup.  How a woman like her, with her indie connoisseur’s nose for music, can be attracted to my sonically uninformed ass, I’ll forever wonder, but I will always be thankful for that complex compatibility that makes up the cosmic glue that binds us sure as japanese rice stick together.